with that said, some of you will ask, what's the big deal? they're 7 year-olds. it's the age of Obama. can't we all just get along? and in spite of what my friends, family and casual observers might think, this is how i feel and have always felt but for some reason, i have a hard time convincing folks i'm not racist. maybe it's the fact that i have dreadlocks?...and am dark-skinned?...and my house is filled with African art?...and I know who H. Rap Brown is?...and I have African music in my CD collection?...and study African culture for pleasure?
i could never figure out exactly why but long ago i came to the realization that by merely being who i choose to be that i've fallen victim to American cultural stereotypes...i am a physical embodiment of a militant, proud, strong black woman and i give off this impression without uttering a solitary word. so i guess that's why my would-be sister-in-law chose to approach me with the photo instead of the other 15 or so guests at the party. clearly I would find the image objectionable.
now in fairness, i think she was making a funny but i wonder what she expected my reaction to be? maybe she thought i'd be like my mom (may she rest in peace) and say something to the effect of, "don't bring any white girls home." to be honest with you, that was in part my reaction (i'm unlearning and it takes time damnit), but i also found myself feeling oddly uncomfortable...what will they say next year if there's a white dude at table?
for the past year or so i've been flirting with dating outside my race. if you ain't know, 70% of black women are single, never married. looking at those odds, i'd have a better chance at powerball than i would finding my King. thus i realized that if i do want marriage and children, i gotta increase my odds of finding my one and only. i have to step outside myself and where i've always envisioned myself with a beautiful Black King, maybe, just maybe that's not what the cards have outlined for me.
so i joined an interracial dating website, i chatted up a few guys and actually came close to meeting one of them. the initial attempts were duds (a few were actually CRAZY) and just when i thought to give up on this fantasy idea that a culturally aware black woman could date a white American male, the fates called my bluff. i met someone...someone special.
for the first time since i've been considering the possibility of dating a non-black male, i have the sense that this is not a mere experiment or a way to pass time on the net. this could be the real thing and i owe it to myself and my object of interest to not treat this like a game of Bullshit (card game for those who don't know). and what's really odd is that i haven't felt this way about anyone, black, brown or white, in a long time...hell, ever.
it's not that my clock is ticking, that i want mixed babies, that i'm betraying my race, that i'm frustrated and angry at black men or that i want my mother to turn over in her grave...it's that i honestly think i've met someone special and who i genuinely relate to. and O-M-G, he's white!
so this blog will be about me and the development of this "relationship." it will be about my attempt to reconcile my longheld desire to raise strong, proud, culturally and historically aware black children with the possibility of raising children who are racially and culturally mix. and most importantly, it will be about me as a woman, an independent woman, learning to open herself up to friendship, vulnerability, understanding and that four letter word...love. i hope you'll join me on this journey because in the end i hope to be a better woman...and no longer a statistic...AMEN!
@anonymous,
ReplyDeleteawwh, you’re the first to sign my blog and like a john in the night, i don’t even know your name.
you said, “many ‘pro-black militant’ females date white.” where the hell are you getting your stats? you so pulled that one out of your crack and based on the fact that you’ve made such a substantial leap, part of me doesn’t want to engage.
you don’t have to agree with me but you’re above statement shows just how unreasonable you are. where we all have our ideals, it’s folks like yourself who DO indeed hate themselves and others who are the problem. see us rational folk realize that when two people love and care about one another, their age, colors, genders and/or stations in life don’t mean a hill of beans in this world so frankly anonymous, i don’t give a damn.
oh yeah, about the “ambiguous children?!” line, i have to thank you because it’s inspired my next blog :)