why black relationships fail

i was reading a blog over at naked with socks on that posed the following question.  i commented over at the blog but decided to add my musings here for your enjoyment.  the questions posed at the end of the blog were...

What did you think of the guest blogger’s thoughts on the problems within the African American community? How often do we hold ourselves back from being emotionally ready to find love? Instead of asking what’s wrong with the men and women you come across, how often do you look within yourself and your own issues as the root problem? Do you think that people’s reliance on “types” limits them when it comes to finding a life partner? Do you think dating outside the race is good or bad for the African American community? Do you think that Black love is dying? If so, why?

in my view, black relationships fail because...

1. too many black women are pitiful, sad creatures who have little or no respect for the sanctity of marriage and/or monogamous relationships.  far too many of us have justified sleeping with unavailable men.  so when you have women giving it away and expecting nothing in return, it makes it all the more difficult for a good woman to keep and find a good man.

2. statistically, black men have no reason to rush into any form of a long-term commitment.  when you don't have a ticking biological clock, when you're a statistical commodity, why would you feel compelled to demonstrate and develop worthwhile relationships?  so many black men spend a great deal of their time playing the game and stunt their emotional development by not learning how to love someone outside of themselves...including their own children. in short, too many black men are immature, selfish bastards and that does not bode well for success.

3.  black women are racists.  most black women refuse to give up on the idea of marrying a black man...even at the expense of being alone.  statistically, more of us go to college and obtain higher degrees in greater frequency than our male counterparts and for some reason, if push came to shove, we'd rather date the mechanic on the corner than consider the white dude at the water cooler in the three piece suit who knows that it's "shrimp" not "skrimps."

4.  black womens' self-imposed racial dating restrictions and fear of being alone has done something to us.  we done turned crazy!  either we're alone, bitter and unapproachable due to years of rejection and ever declining standards, or when we do finally find a black man that's slightly more than a booty call, we have the potential of becoming down right psychotic.  you see now that we have the brotha, we have to hold on to him for dear life.  without our constant nagging and endless supply of unprotected sex, he might go away and that can't happen because we lust him so much.

if we luck out and he doesn't leave on his own, the chicks described in point 1 are always a sniff away so there's this element of trench warfare in our relationships and God forbid we lose the battle and it turns out he is cheating.  we can't leave...we're obligated to stay because statistically, the next guy is *really* going to be a jackass so we gotta stand by our man and while doing so, that infidelity can easily be mitigated by breaking into his email, calling every number in his phone, slashing his tires and in extreme cases grabbing the nearest smoldering substance or sharp object.

i could go on and on but in essence, black relationships fail mostly due to the failures of black women as a whole.  we have collectively allowed our men to use, abuse, cheat and belittle us.  as a result, we're bitter, suspicious and angry due to our ever-decreasing standards. 

black relationships will stop failing when black women stop failing to realize it's us who control the outcome of our relationships.  he can't drink the milk if the kitchen's closed and if he wants to open it up he'll realize the importance of taking out the garbage.  until then, surprise, surprise!  that's why house smells like shit.