what's worse? white hair or a white man?

i was talking to one of my best friends today about the fact that i created this blog.  she didn't seem to understand my dilemma.  for her, it wasn't enough that one, i met him via the internet and two, he's white.  for most folks that'd be enough but she felt that it didn't matter what others thought or felt because all that matters is how he and i feel about one another..."awwwh!"  while she's right, i reminded her that there's a point number three that looms overhead...i'm proud to be black.

yeah i know, that sounds so cliche but you have to understand that for the past decade or so i've prided myself on inspiring others to embrace themselves naturally.  i wanted black women, young and old, to stop engaging in the monthly self-mutilation ritual known as the "hair relaxer."  it actually sickens me to hear talk of touch-ups and kiddie perms.  in fact, i think relaxing a child's hair before the age of 12 is a hair short of child abuse...yeah i said it.

for those who don't know, relaxers have a pH of 13-14, depending on the brand.  pH refers to a 0-14 scale that measures whether a substance is acidic (battery acid is 0), neutral (distilled water is 7) or a base (drain cleaner is 14).  so given that a relaxer is a ph of 13-14, using them would be akin to putting Drano, bleach or oven cleaner on your skin and allowing it to rest for 10 or more minutes.  think about that for a moment.  imagine what drano does to the gunk and hair that's in your clogged pipes.  it's obviously eating away at the grease and gunk so i wonder what hair relaxers eat away at?  yeah, you guessed it, skin and flesh...yum!

where no sane person would slather Drano on their child's skin and certainly not their head, that thing that houses their brain, black women around the world do the equivalent on a 4-6 week basis...and not only to themselves, but to their daughters as well.  frankly, it's sick and i have been known to get on my soap box from time to time and argue with friends and family about their lack of self-respect and moral obligation to themselves and their children.

i wish you could sense the passion i feel right now as i so desire to motivate others to love thyself in thine own image and all that jazz but then i imagine saying these things with the same fervor and intensity as my white beau sits by my side.  is there an inherent hypocrisy or am i reading too much into it?  what will others say as i espouse the virtues of natural hair and the impact it has on empowering black folk while simultaneously rubbin' on my sexy white man's bald head?  what will others say when/if we have children and i speak of the importance of showing young black girls that they are beautiful as God has made them while simultaneously putting pigtails in my daughter's curly poofs?

i just wonder if i can maintain my sense of purpose to inspire and motivate others to act on the principled and moral objection to the long held belief that "white is right?"  will others stop listening because i am the antithesis of my message?  you tell me, does who i chose to love prohibit me from being a voice in my racial and cultural community?

where part of me is plagued from time to time by these questions, they are fleeting because where the questions are numerous and complex, the answer is quiet simple...all that matters is how he and i feel about one another..."awwwh!"